WASHINGTON, D.C—President Joe Biden has announced that the U.S. will be banning all oil and gas from Russia. The President stated that this should not be a cause for any panic and not to worry about gas prices while he got in what appeared to be a heavy war rig.

“C’mon folks, don’t be ridiculous. Gas prices are nothing to worry about,” said Biden putting on his battle armor and firing up the massive machine. “You’ve been watching too much news if you think we’re about to be in some kind of apocalyptic fuel crisis!”

“And who needs Russian oil anyway—I think we’re doing just fine aren’t we boys?!” said Biden slapping his 30ft oil tanker causing his secret servicemen to rev their engines and shout wildly.

Journalists report that the President then embarked from the White House along with his train of road warriors driving their menacing-looking, suped-up monster cars and dirt bikes. “We ride men! To GLORY!” shouted the President. “We live! We die! We live again!”

At publishing time the President, who was reportedly now referring to himself as Immortan Joe, was spotted on the freeway plowing through traffic with his war convoy shouting, “WITNESS ME! WITNESS ME!”

In this new commercial from the U.S. Army, everyone’s favorite branch of the military promotes their new, more diverse, more inclusive standards. From gender reveal grenades to more affirming drill sergeants, the Army is leading the way in inclusion!

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