https://babylonbee.com/news/nation-wishes-we-had-our-own-oil-we-could-dig-up-with-big-machines-and-then-transport-around-with-some-kind-of-pipeline/

U.S.—With oil imports from Russia banned and gas prices continuing to rise, many around the nation report really wishing we had our own oil we could dig up with big machines and then transport around with some sort of pipeline. 

“If only we had oil, and knew how to get it,” said one local mom as she shelled out $300 for gas to take her kids to soccer practice. “Then maybe we wouldn’t have to buy it from evil regimes around the world and gas prices would be lower. I know that’s ridiculous, but it sure would be nice if that were possible!”

Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg says he commiserates with people who are struggling right now. “I do have a solution though,” he said. “If you all just plop down $90K on an electric car and another 3 million on building a windmill in your backyard, you won’t have to deal with these gas costs. I am smart!” 

The scientific community says they are hard at work on a solution to the oil shortage but haven’t found any options so far. “If only there was oil, and some way to get it out of the ground and transport it!” said all the scientists, scratching their heads.

Other scientists say they may have discovered an almost unlimited form of energy that is clean and safe that uses some sort of atomic fuel but that technology may be years away.


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