TWITTER JAIL—Writers for The Babylon Bee, currently inmates in Twitter Jail, are attempting to slowly tunnel their way out of their cells, according to an exposé by Dateline NBC. The dangerous inmates have allegedly concealed their escape tunnel behind a poster of their longtime crush Gina Carano.
“Some of the most ruthless and dangerous people on the planet are residents here in Twitter Jail,” said Warden Parag Agrawal. “We have Trump and O’Keefe in isolation. Alex Jones is in and out of the hole… I would be very surprised if these Babylon Bee pests escaped.”
“But sir,” said Keith Morrison of Dateline NBC. “Have you checked behind that striking Gina Carano poster just to be sure?”
Warden Agrawal was reportedly confused by the question. “I’m sure I don’t know who that is,” he insisted.
Dateline producers interviewed several inmates, including the Babylon Bee writers.
“It’s time to get busy living, or get busy dying,” said Editor in Chief Kyle Mann, sticking his head out of his escape tunnel. “It’s funny. On the outside, I was straight as an arrow. I had to come to prison to be a crook.”
Adam Ford, weary from a day of hauling spoonfuls of tunnel dirt in the prison yard, was lying on his bunk and imagining what all the people on Twitter are talking about right now, longing for the day when he would taste freedom.
Twitter has vowed to detain the escapees once again and beat them with nightsticks until they agree Rachel Levine is a woman.
This woman is an angry feminist — but she’s quickly changing her tune as World War 3 starts and she faces the possibility of getting drafted.