What is a woman? Nobody knows—not even Supreme Court nominees. But we’ve come up with a few key indicators to look for. Run through this list and keep track of how many “yes” answers you come up with. The more affirmatives, the more likely you’re a chick!
1. Are you always cold?
2. Has a human ever popped out of you?
3. Have you ever decorated a bed with six or more pillows?
4. Can you tell the difference between cream white and rustic farmhouse white?
5. Have you run into a curb in the past 24 hours? Be honest, CAROL.
6. DO YOU BLEED? Like, for an extended period of time at regular intervals?
7. Does it take you over three hours to decide what you want to eat?
8. Are you currently a member of at least three pyramid schemes?
9. Do you find simple movie plots hard to follow?
10. Do you frequently describe your emotional state as “fine” when you are not in fact fine?
11. Is your Starbucks drink order anything other than black coffee?
12. Do you have two X chromosomes?
Tally up your number of “Yes” answers and consult this chart:
0-2: There’s a small chance you’re a dude, bro.
3-5: We’re getting some real feminine vibes here.
6-8: Starting to look kinda likely that you’re probably a woman.
9-11: Definitely a woman.
12: You are the final boss of women. Congrats!
This woman is an angry feminist — but she’s quickly changing her tune as World War 3 starts and she faces the possibility of getting drafted.