CUPERTINO, CA—Apple, Inc. is coming out forcefully against Florida’s parental rights bill, known to trans activists as the “Don’t Say Gay” bill. As part of a coordinated attack on the bill, CEO Tim Cook announced that all iPhones will receive an update that will make them autocorrect every word typed in the phone to the word “gay.”

“Gay gay gay, gay gay,” said Cook in an angry address to investors. “GAY! Gay gay gay, gay gay! GAAAYYYYYYYY! Gay. Gaygaygaygaygaygaygaygaygay!” 

“It’s the right thing to do,” he added finally. 

Apple says that while this new feature may be frustrating for the 900 million iPhone users, it will be worth it to see millions of people around the world saying “gay” over and over again. 

“That will really get on DeSantis’s nerves!” said Cook gleefully.

Cook went on to explain that the update will remain in place until kindergarten teachers can help students determine their gender as well as who they are sexually attracted to before the age of 6. Once the bill is reversed, gay gay gay gay, gay gay. 


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