WASHINGTON, D.C.—During an exclusive interview with a Babylon Bee reporter who may have lost a bet, Vice President Kamala Harris was asked to explain the altercation between movie star Will Smith and comedian Chris Rock at Sunday’s Oscars awards ceremony.

“It is time for me to explain what I have been explaining, and that explanation is every explanation,” said the greatest orator of our time to the reporter who was already looking around for a window to jump through. 

“So, Chris Rock is a black man who makes comedy jokes,” explained the Vice President, “He exists in a place called Hollywood, which is where Will Smith, a black actor in movie films, also exists. Will Smith acts big because on the inside he feels small.”

The reporter, weeping only slightly, nodded and pretended to take notes while actually doodling a crude drawing of himself in a hangman’s noose.

“Will Smith is in an unhealthy marriage with a vain, egomaniacal wiccan named Jada, which reminds me of the significance of unhealthy marriages, right, the significance of unhealthy marriages. So when you think about it, there is great significance to unhealthy marriages, how it leads to adultery, emasculation, deep emotional ouchies, and messed up kids who don’t realize the significance of how messed up they are.”

The reporter nodded along while tightening his necktie with desperate intensity.

“Will Smith is an actor with hands. He is a large actor, he is a powerful actor. He decided to slap the face belonging to a smaller comedian named Chris Rock. So, basically, that’s wrong, and it goes against everything we stand for.”

In this internal meeting at Twitter, two new employees learn the ropes of who gets banned and who gets to stay on.

Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube

You Might Like
Learn more about RevenueStripe...