ISSAQUAH, WA—The popular retail store Costco has announced that due to rising costs created by inflation and food shortages they will now be offering customers payment plan options to pay for beef. 

“I didn’t know how I was going to pay for a pack of ground beef, but now that Costco is offering easy payment plans, I can pay it off over time,” said Dan Bilsby, a local Costco patron. “Now I can afford to eat roast without picking up 3 extra jobs! Thanks, Costco!”

According to sources, for a limited time, Costco is selling all beef with zero percent interest for twelve months. After that, interest will increase to a 32% adjustable APR. A company spokesperson stated that they believe providing more affordable options such as 2-year financing is important and what sets their company apart. 

“Thanks to Bidenflation, the prices on everything have gone up,” continued Dan Bilsby. “I wanted to take my wife out for a steak for our anniversary, but now we’ll have to settle on staying home and splitting a hamburger.”

At publishing time, Costco announced you can now pay off the rest of your grocery bill by signing up for a reverse mortgage with them today. 

Having difficulty staying afloat in today’s rapidly changing economic landscape? Duke Geralt LéMaster provides some insightful tips to help you cope in these trying times.

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