JUNIPER VILLA, CA—In an all-too-common occurrence this afternoon, local Christian man Quincy Paulson was about to tweet a brutal, savage, blistering takedown of his opponents on social media. The tweet was reportedly “fire” and “a devastating takedown” that made his foes look foolish and made him look like the smartest, most clever man in the world.

Sadly, though, the Holy Spirit prevented him from posting the tweet once again, forcing him to press the “discard” button and never send the tweet that would have gone viral and made him famous for his intellectual prowess and wit.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I can’t post it,” Paulson muttered gloomily as he discarded the tweet and begrudgingly opened his Bible app instead. “It would have been epic, but I get it. The whole ‘Christian witness’ thing. I don’t always have to tweet. Yeah, yeah. I read you loud and clear.”

“Could I just do, like, a little less savage version of the tweet? No? Ah, OK. Sorry.”

At publishing time, it had happened again.

Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.

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