WASHINGTON, D.C.—In a sudden and unexplained change of heart, the Democrat party is now calling for the immediate regulation of Big Tech platforms, which they say have become too powerful now.
“We have decided, for reasons completely unrelated to certain news about Elon Musk, that the time has come to regulate the terrible scourge of Big Tech,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi in a press conference. “For too long, we have allowed these unaccountable platforms to censor free speech and endanger democracy. We are calling for immediate regulation of Twitter and all other social media.”
Pelosi then checked her phone to make sure her broker made the recent tech stock trades she had told him about.
Experts in the Democrat party warn that if Twitter is privately owned by a billionaire who says things they don’t like, that may encourage others to say things they don’t like as well, which will definitely endanger democracy.
“We in the Democrat party have a proud history of standing up against powerful special interests and never cozying up to billionaires and powerful special interests,” said Press Secretary Jen Psaki. “If you would like to know more about Democrat plans to regulate Big Tech, please follow me on GETTR.”
Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.