MEMPHIS, TN—According to sources, local woman Laura Berretta is now burning with an overwhelming urge to be ravished by her husband as he was finally crowned Elden Lord, ruler of The Lands Between.
Once she saw her husband defeat the final boss of Elden Ring and take his seat on the throne, Laura was filled with an intense desire to have marital relations with her spouse.
“I should have done this sooner!” said Tate Berretta barely able to keep his wife off of him long enough to speak. “Ever since I beat the game, my wife has been all over me—attracted like never before!”
According to sources, Tate was just playing another fantasy RPG night after night like he always does. “I thought that she viewed me spending hundreds of hours playing Elden Ring as a waste of time,” said Tate. “But boy was I wrong. The moment I won, she’s been absolutely smitten. Suffice it to say this game has definitely rekindled our love life—almost to frightening levels.”
Laura claims she still doesn’t know what has come over her. “It’s like I see my husband with new eyes. Where once I saw a man who was overly addicted to video games, now I see and respect him as the fearsome, powerful warrior that he is,” said Laura gushing with praise. “I mean, not just any man can effortlessly defeat Radahn before the patch.”
At publishing time, Tate started playing Fortnite in hopes that his wife would give him a break and not be quite that attracted to him.
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