SAN FRANCISCO, CA—In the first step toward a world blossoming with freedom of speech, Elon Musk, the proud new owner of Twitter, ordered the company’s tech team to make all tweets by Bill Gates autocorrect to say “Poopy butt.”
“Poopy butt poopy butt, poopy poopy butt butt,” read a subsequent tweet by Bill Gates.
“Odd, I could have sworn I typed out a hopeful message on the benefits of global, forced, clandestine sterilization of women,” said a confused Gates, staring at his Windows Phone® while his tailor fitted him for a custom brassiere. “Why does it say, ‘Butt, butt, butt, poopy butt poopy butt, poopy poopy poop.’?”
While millions praised Musk’s decision as steering the social media company toward much-needed free speech, others have voiced concerns that untethered misinformation could lead to rigged elections and mistrust of giant pharmaceutical companies.
In one example, White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki reiterated President Biden’s support for government regulation of social media in a tweet that said, “I smell like sauerkraut and farts.”
Eyewitnesses claim a frustrated Bill Gates posted in the secret group chat for members of the Dark Council of Global Dominance, ranting about the dangers of granting Elon Musk control over free speech, but his messages autocorrected to the following:
“Man boobs man boobs, booby booby man boobs.”
Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.