WASHINGTON, D.C.—In its first official act, the new DHS Government Disinformation Board ruled today that all criticism of the Government Disinformation Board is disinformation. This comes in response to sharp criticism from conservatives, which they say is untrue and unwarranted. 

“The new board has barely begun its work and already many have jumped to the entirely unwarranted conclusion that it will be used to quash free speech,” said DHS Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas. “This could not be further from the truth, as everyone in this country has the right to say how much they support and agree with the Biden administration. It is only that speech that we disagree with which will be labeled as disinformation.  This follows the well-established practice of media fact-checkers and social media content moderators.”

The ruling further found as “substantially dishonest, false and untrue” all allegations that the work of the board would in any way resemble that of “The Ministry of Truth” from George Orwell’s 1984. The Board stated: “There is no possible way that we could have been inspired by George Orwell’s 1984 since none of us have read that book or even know who this Orwell person is.”

Nina Jankowicz, President of the Board, concluded the ruling by singing a song to the tune of “Supercalifragilistic” from Mary Poppins. The lyrics, in part, were: “People think our lovely board is somehow quite atrocious, we conclude they suffer from a terrible psychosis, so we will come down on them in ways that are ferocious, please excuse my singing as I’ve got bad halitosis.”

At publishing time, Ms. Jankowicz was still working on choreography to accompany her song, along with a big closing number, “A Spoon Full of Coercion Helps the Propaganda Go Down.”

Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.

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