JERUSALEM—Religious experts have begun voicing concerns that a local carpenter’s disinformation is spreading among Israelites most susceptible to unapproved ideas.
“Visit your nearest synagogue for the latest information on how to obey God. Listen to the experts!” A contingent of authorities in Jewish law spoke out against the carpenter’s simple teaching about loving God and your neighbor. “Follow the data—we need tithes, loopholes, and ever-changing rules, not repentant hearts!”
The usually divided Pharisees, Sadducees, and Scribes showed solidarity in fact-checking Jesus’s teaching. “We rate Jesus’s teaching as ‘Needs Context,’” said a spokesman for the group.
Eyewitnesses have confirmed that a group of Independent Fact Checkers followed the carpenter around holding large signs with disclaimers above his head: “SINCE YOUR SERMON INCLUDES INFORMATION ABOUT OBEYING GOD’S LAW, WE’VE ADDED DIRECTIONS TO THE NEAREST SYNAGOGUE.”
At publishing time, the religious experts were conspiring with the government to keep the dangerous disinformation from spreading into Judea, Samaria, or to the uttermost parts of the earth.
Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.