HELL—Demons of Hell have released a statement to NPR where they have unanimously agreed upon the importance of gender-affirming care for children.
“When it comes to gender-affirming care for minors—no demon worth their salt opposes it,” said Beelzebub. “There is no argument among demons, devils, fiends, banshees, succubuses, foul spirits, or democrats about the value and the necessity of gender-affirming care. The consensus is clear!”
According to sources, Beelzebub continued to explain that kids deserve to and must have unfettered access to puberty-blockers and hormone therapy.
“If they are not mutilated or chemically castrated at a young age, then this may cause… harm,” Beelzebub said with a sinister grin causing legions of demons to laugh together in unison. “In fact, 10/10 demons agree, gender-affirming care is life-saving care for children.” Beelzebub then lost his composure and fell to the ground—laughing uproariously.
At publishing time, the demons of hell echoed in agreement once again declaring that abortion access should be unlimited, everywhere, all the time, and at any age—even after birth.
Mandy is absolutely triggered by Twitter’s possible takeover by Elon Musk. She attends a Twitter-sponsored therapy session to help her cope.