WASHINGTON, D.C.—A dangerous and radical religious group has gathered outside the Supreme Court building to demand the right to sacrifice their children. These religious extremists have shown no signs that they can not be reasoned with or that they have any intention of backing down.

“This is a deeply held religious belief of ours. If we can not sacrifice children according to our beliefs, then our rights are being infringed upon,” said Sabrina Murlock, leader of the fringe religious cult. “We are willing to do anything that’s necessary to protect our sacred rite of child murder.”

“Despite having absolutely no science to back up our claim, we hold this belief no matter what, as a matter of faith,” continued Sabrina dogmatically. “We must always be allowed to practice this sacrament. A sacrament that washes away all our responsibility, and grants us the ability to pursue our own personal goals freely.”

According to sources, the radical religious group stayed up chanting and gnashing their teeth throughout the night. They say that if their prayers and religious demands are not heard, the law will be taken into their own hands and the whole system will be torn down. 

At publishing time, the crazed zealots stormed the Supreme Court building and razed it to the ground. President Biden refused to denounce their actions, calling it a “mostly peaceful” free expression and that their utter destruction was a fundamental part of their protected religious speech.

This man shared misinformation online, so the Ministry of Truth — err, sorry, the Disinformation Governance Board — detained him for questioning. Will he stand strong in the face of torture?

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