DAYTON, OH—With Mother’s Day fast approaching, Sarah Smith is feeling the pressure to select just the right Mother’s Day present for herself that expresses all the love and thankfulness her husband and their precious children feel inside—and that will also make all the other moms jealous.  

With time slipping away, Sarah dedicated one entire afternoon to surfing the web for the perfect item that could be delivered in one day with free shipping that her husband and kids would really enjoy giving her.  

“I have the sweetest husband and children in the whole wide world,” Sarah explained to reporters at the scene. “I know they want to give me the perfect gift, so I have dedicated this one afternoon to searching Amazon and helping them find the gift that says ‘Mom, you are such a great mom and we love you so much that we got you this thing that expresses a whole year of inner thankfulness and love and also will make your mom friends jealous that you got a better present than they did.’”

As the minutes ticked away, Sarah filled her shopping cart with item after item that looked promising, planning to go back and delete everything but the one perfect gift. 

At press time, Sarah had decided the best gift was really a handmade card and flowers from the grocery since everything in her Amazon cart was actually just for the kids. 

This man shared misinformation online, so the Ministry of Truth — err, sorry, the Disinformation Governance Board — detained him for questioning. Will he stand strong in the face of torture?

Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube

You Might Like
Learn more about RevenueStripe...