U.S.—At a donor event this week, President Biden tried his hand at focus group-tested insults, calling Trump the “Great MAGA King” to mixed reviews. In an effort to turn up the heat even more and really hurt Trump’s chances in the next election, Biden has now taken to calling Trump the “Majestic Super God-Emperor of the Universe.”
“Listen, and I really mean this folks, I don’t use insults lightly. But Trump—the Majestic Super God-Emperor of the Universe—must be stopped,” said Biden.
The crowd collectively gasped at the devastating insult and then began cheering. “BOOM! ROASTED!” they hooted and hollered before calling for more.
“Oh, you like that, huh? Well there’s more where that came from,” said Biden. “We’re gonna show that Unstoppable, All-Seeing MAGA Warrior who’s boss and send him packing, or my name ain’t Jibbles Bron-Blibberbabber!”
Biden is testing several more insults to use on Trump in the coming weeks, including:
-Supreme MAGA Lord Of the Cosmos
-Most Excellent Chancellor Of The MAGA Republic
-Silent Guardian, Watchful Protector, Dark Knight
-The Benevolent Ancient Titan of Orange Who Maketh America Great Again
-Stormborn of House Targaryen, the First of His Name, King of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Father of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains
The Biden team is hoping these brutal barbs will be effective enough to hurt Trump’s polling before the next election. When reached for a response, Trump confirmed he’ll be sticking with the term “Sleepy Joe.”
This man shared misinformation online, so the Ministry of Truth — err, sorry, the Disinformation Governance Board — detained him for questioning. Will he stand strong in the face of torture?