MESOPOTAMIA—After years of hunting and gathering, local tribal chief “Krug” is starting to sense that the constant quest to find food is really messing up his work-life balance. 

“Krug spend day after day hunting antelope, feeding family,” said Krug. “Why Krug no get six week vacation? What if Krug want to take year off, spend semester Italy, go find himself? Find real Krug?!” 

Although Krug belongs to a tribe that has survived as hunter-gatherers for many generations, he is not the first to resent the ceaseless drudgery of finding food. The oral history of the tribe includes a story of a man named Nork who decided to give up hunting and gathering in order to focus on his art career drawing stick figures in caves. Sadly, Nork starved to death two weeks later.

Krug’s wife Elga has encouraged him to go see a therapist, but so far Krug has stubbornly refused. “Krug no like talk about feeling,” said Elga. “Dumb caveman. Why man no talk? Some day man get smart, say feeling.”

At publishing time, Krug had purchased tickets to a seminar guaranteed to help pre-historic hunter-gatherers discover their true calling—which reportedly consisted of each person being asked which they liked best, hunting or gathering.

The left, celebrities, and athletes will take money from China, but they sure don’t like talking about China. Tap your foot to the hit song parody of “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”!

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