WASHINGTON—This afternoon, Ukrainian President Zelenskyy called President Biden to ask what happened with the aid package he received. Zelenskyy explained that the purchasing power of the $40 billion in aid that Congress sent a few hours ago had already depleted to $30 billion due to runaway inflation of the US dollar.
“That can’t be right, President Zelensky—can you refresh your browser and try again?” said a confused Biden to Zelensky over the phone. “How’s that? It lost $10 billion—with a ‘B’?? How’s that possible, man? It must be Russian interference! Russia and ultra-MAGA! They’ve sabotaged the transaction!”
Aides tried to keep President Biden on track, but Biden still alternated between ranting about “The Ultra-MAGA King” and whispering about his hairy legs, Corn Pop, and the invading Dog-Faced Pony Soldiers needing to be stopped. Once the aides and Zelenskyy combined their efforts to steer the conversation back to inflation eroding the aid package for Ukraine, President Biden was able to assure Zelensky that he would speak with America’s manager and get it all straightened out, “no malarkey!”
Members of Congress who had voted against the aid package were vocal about their concerns but were dismissed as racists for questioning whether sending $40 Billion to Ukraine could worsen the inflation.
At publishing time, Zelenskyy’s bank website finished reloading after he had refreshed it, and the aid had lost another $2 Billion.
The left, celebrities, and athletes will take money from China, but they sure don’t like talking about China. Tap your foot to the hit song parody of “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”!