SAN FRANCISCO, CA—Citing the basic human need for allies to equitably show support for all oppressed categories, subcategories, microcategories, and nanocategories, a new subscription service has been announced that sends members an updated Pride flag every month. 

Pride+ starts at $9.95 per month and includes additional fees for white, heterosexual, males.

“The dangers of literally destroying oppressed communities by flying hateful, outdated Pride flags is as real as my vampire kitten quantum gender,” said Pride+ CEO Lucifer Scurfwilly, “Subscribing to Pride+ literally saves the lives of all non-cisnormative genders and orientations.”

Scurfwilly added that proceeds from Pride+ subscriptions would go directly to minorities working tirelessly to fabricate the flags in the communist utopia of Xinjiang Province.

At publishing time, the original rainbow colors were removed from the most recently-updated Pride flag to make room for all of the new colors and symbols. 

UPDATE: Due to the update frequency of the Pride flag, Pride+ is now a weekly service. 

UPDATE: OK it’s hourly now. 

The left, celebrities, and athletes will take money from China, but they sure don’t like talking about China. Tap your foot to the hit song parody of “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”!

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