NEW YORK, NY—On Friday evening, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her new fiance finally went on the double date they had been trying to coordinate with Ilhan Omar and her brother for weeks.

“This is a blast — let’s not wait so long next time!” AOC gushed to her Democratic colleague over a famous NY slice at Louie & Ernie’s Pizza. Sources confirm that AOC and Ilhan recounted how many times they had rescheduled due to conflicts, like when AOC got a bucket stuck on her head, or when Ilhan Omar’s damage control for seemingly anti-Semitic comments included brushing them off as “Islamophobia.” Ilhan Omar’s brother chimed in, saying he was thankful for the opportunity to support his wife, Ilhan Omar, even in her darkest times.

Over the evening, they laughed and laughed. AOC’s fiance, wearing his signature sandals, wiggled his toes with delight when AOC recounted all the times she died on January 6th and Ted Cruz tried to date her, and Ilhan Omar’s brother chuckled about that classic time his wife, Ilhan Omar, compared Israel with Hamas and the Taliban. 

The conversation turned serious as AOC caught her breath and sobbed recounting when the pelt-and-horn hat guy killed her on January 6, but her fiance gently rubbed her shoulders. When Ilhan Omar got choked up over the mean response to her statement that U.S. support for the Jews was “all about the Benjamins,” Ilhan Omar’s brother comforted her with gentle caresses as well.

At publishing time, the couples had busted out Catan but were forced to stop when Omar and Ocasio-Cortez went into a rant about the implied colonialist values the game perpetuates.

The left, celebrities, and athletes will take money from China, but they sure don’t like talking about China. Tap your foot to the hit song parody of “We Don’t Talk About Bruno”!

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