It seems like it was just yesterday that we were being screamed at for not wearing our COVID-19 masks on a plane or standing near but not directly atop the floor decal at the Piggly Wiggly, while watching loved ones die in a hospital via Zoom because Fauci decided we weren’t allowed to visit them. At last, Bat Flu season is over (until the midterms, anyway).

Don’t look now, but there’s a monkey on our back.

Belgium is the first nation to force people into quarantine over monkeypox, conveniently just in time for the World Health Organization (WHO) meeting at which globalists intend to demand, and will possibly receive, the right to control every aspect of worldwide pandemic response, including censoring those who dare disagree with the unelected officials in charge.

Related: Another ‘Conspiracy Theory’ May Be About to Come True: The WHO Could Decide if You Get Medicine, When You Travel, and What You Write on Social Media

Look! Here’s a WHO bootlicker already sounding the alarm:

Two whole cases in the United States? We better euthanize grandma now and avoid the Christmas rush.

Related: Fauci Spent Your Tax Dollars Studying Transgender Monkeys

Belgium has imposed a 21-day lockdown for anyone with symptoms of monkeypox. By symptoms, I can only assume they mean grotesque sores that are impossible to hide with a mask because they cover the victim’s entire body. A dead giveaway. If you see a monkeypoxed person, do not have “intimate” contact with them … which brings us to the origins of the new reason to shut down the world.

The virus originates in Africa, though it appears the current outbreak started at a gay fetish festival aptly named “Darklands,” which recently took place in …  Antwerp, Belgium. Monkeypox is hard to contract; it seems one can only get it from “close contact” with an infected person.

QUESTION-O-RAMA! Where else have we seen a virus that originates in Africa and affects mostly gay men?

The correct answer is AIDS.

What Is the Darklands Festival?

Darklands is a gay men’s leather fetish, spank, and sex festival. One of the highlights of Darklands is called “Mr. Puppy,” where gay men in leather parade around with gay men dressed as dogs on a leash in a Westminster-ish competition. #GayPride!

OUCH-O-RAMA! One of the festival’s sponsors is a leather apparel company called “Monkey Sergeants.” #Can’tMakeThisUp

If I had to guess, I’d suggest the monkeypox may have been spread at the “Horse Fair,” where “mares” wear only hoods and boots, and “stallions” … uh … ride them. Mares may not refuse sex from any stallion, but they can say no to kissing. Don’t blame me, I didn’t make the rules.

GRAPHIC WARNING: if you go to that last link, you may not like what you read.

Good news! Though the festival may have brought monkeypox to the world via equestrian-themed group sex, the festival’s producers have decided, in the name of all things equity, to rename the Mr. Puppy contest for next year.

In 2020 we elected the fifth Mr. Puppy Europe titleholder at Darklands. To celebrate this, and to move forward we are proud to announce changes to our contest and how we are getting ready for a more inclusive future.

From the next title year, during the election taking place at Darklands, we will drop the ‘Mr’ from the title and open our contest up to all genders. We do this in line with many of our European contests that have already dropped genders. After five male titleholders, we are ready to welcome the next, whichever gender they may be.

I’ll celebrate that “W” for diversity, equity, and inclusion as my pustuled face cracks off in the shower.

Who Is Getting Monkeypox?

Gay dudes.

According to Metro UK, the virus seems to mostly involve men who have sex with men, though bisexual men can just as easily transfer it to women.

The community transmission is largely centred in urban areas and we are predominantly seeing it in individuals who self-identify as gay or bisexual, or other men who have sex with men.


  • Monkeypox is rare.
  • It is not easy to contract. If you refrain from sex with men who recently went to Belgium and dressed as a horse, you’re likely to be okay.
  • Most people survive it (like the Hong Kong Fluey).
  • There is no vaccine for Monkeypox (not yet anyway, wink wink), but a smallpox shot will offer 85% protection. (I can hear Fauci licking his chops!)

Gropey Joe and Oyewale Tomori, a WHO virologist advisory board member, are pressing the monkeypox panic button in unison.

“Everybody should be concerned about it,” Biden remarked in South Korea. “We’re working on it hard to figure out what we do.”

Just a hunch, but perhaps we can start by abstaining from group sex with gay men who recently romped around Antwerp dressed as dogs and horses.

FACT-O-RAMA! I am not a virologist. This is only a guess.

Nor am I a fortune teller, but my Magic 8-Ball agrees with James Woods. The New World Order Democrats may use monkeypox as yet another reason to lock us down and force mail-in voting upon us.

For those of you who could not make it to Antwerp for some leather spanking this year, I have glorious news. Don’t throw away that gimp mask: Darklands 2023 is already being advertised! Check out the video below and get your tickets soon!

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