https://babylonbee.com/news/top-10-benefits-of-putting-all-your-money-into-gold/

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Enjoy eating food? Like having a healthy family? Then you’d better drop all your money into gold right now!

Still not convinced? Check out these amazing benefits:

1) As far as we know, the Federal Reserve hasn’t figured out how to print gold yet: Which means they won’t be able to crater its value.

2) It’s shiny: And yellow-ish!

3) You’ll be able to get James Bond’s autograph before you cut him in half with a laser: Make sure to get his autograph before attempting to kill him.

4) When it’s time to withdraw your retirement, the bank will put it in a complimentary pirate’s chest: Neat!

5) You can use the word “doubloons”, which is an awesome word: You’ll be the envy of all your friends.

6) Impress your date after an expensive dinner when you drop a gold brick on the table and say “I think that should cover it”: Nice power move.

7) Can melt down and mold into an image of a calf to worship: You’ll be the coolest guy at your impromptu wilderness party.

8) Forge a ring into which you pour your cruelty, malice, and will to dominate all life: With enough effort, you can turn into a giant flaming eyeball.

9) Can bury it in the backyard then forget where you buried it and on your deathbed whisper “there’s a gold bar somewhere in the backyard” and make your kids regret selling your house and moving you into a nursing home: Classic!

10) Ron Paul said so: He’s been right about so many things. It’d be a mistake to ignore him now.


NOT SATIRE: No one is going to protect your retirement but you. Let’s face it. Our economy is struggling. Experts say the dollar is collapsing. Inflation is at 40-year highs and economists – and many Americans – don’t have faith that the Fed can or will fix it. So, why would you trust them to protect your financial future? With the ongoing economic and geopolitical crises, experts are worried that investors don’t have a safe corner to hide in the stock, bond, and crypto markets. Now’s the time to safeguard your retirement by investing in precious metals. Gold has proven to be a safe haven that holds its value during times of economic crisis.

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