LOS ANGELES, CA—According to sources close to local man Clay Cole, his local classic rock station played a song by Creed this morning, despite the 35-year-old man’s recollection that Creed was popular “just, like, a few years ago.”

“Huh?” the man muttered to himself as the opening guitar riff kicked off. “Wait a minute – this isn’t classic rock! These guys were popular in my high school years!”

Cole suddenly had an existential crisis as he realized his high school years were 17 years ago, and that Creed was popular some years before that. “Where did the time go?” he thought to himself as Scott Stapp growled out his guttural lyrics about golden streets and blind men seeing.

“Oh man. I guess it kind of is classic rock at this point.” Cole began considering purchasing a Camaro and dyeing his hair as he contemplated important concepts such as the passage of time.

At publishing time, the radio station’s DJ had introduced a Green Day song, saying, “And here’s an oooooooldie that goes allll the way back.”

In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.

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