CLAREMONT, CA—A groundbreaking new study from researchers at Harvey Mudd College has uncovered a definitive link between small children and dehydration: bedtime. Professors with the Biology and Chemistry departments worked with a team of postgraduate students to monitor the hydration levels and fluid intake of children ages 2-10 over a period of six months.

Professor Arthur Curry, a leading biologist with the college, said in a statement, “It’s long been a mystery why children crave more water in the evenings than during the day. Toddlers and pre-teens can run around for hours without a drink of water on a hot summer day but as night approaches they appear to require numerous pints of water to survive. It’s a strange phenomenon and we feel confident that we’ve finally cracked the code.”

“In 100% of all cases, children were not thirsty at all. They just didn’t want to go to bed and would find any excuse they could to get out of it.”

According to a paper published in Scientific American, Dr. Curry purports that children have developed a number of strategies to avoid bedtime but that a need for water is the most prevalent.

Younger children have a variety of excuses in their repertoire. As they grow older, their pre-bedtime needs are gradually whittled down until they’re only asking for water, presumably because it’s an excuse parents fall for more often. [Scientific American. (1845). New York :Munn & Co.]

The reaction of parents to the new findings has been mostly negative.

“Well duh,” many have reportedly said.

Babylon Bee subscriber Kirsty Golden contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

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