YOUNGSTOWN, OH—According to sources, local man Dale Smithers is bemoaning the passing of the good old days back when country music was about the kind of hoes you farm with.

“Those Millenials messed up country music,” sighed Smithers while lacing up his lawn-mowing sneakers. “I’m old enough to remember the days when they sang about tractors and horses and their trusty steel gardening hoes. Now all their songs are about one-night stands with hoes—meaning loose women of ill repute. What’s this country coming to?”

Smithers insists true country music listeners should stick to the classics when artists sang about their dog dying or killing men in Reno just to watch them die. “I’ll tell ya what—back then, men were men,” he said. 

In related news, Millenial country music listeners complained to reporters about the good old days when country music was about female hoes instead of drag queen hoes. 

In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.

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