https://babylonbee.com/news/mob-of-loving-churchgoers-trample-visitor-to-death/

POWAY, CA—A woman was trampled to death by a mob of loving churchgoers Sunday after she was identified as a visitor. Church deacons reportedly shoved away a gaggle of elderly women and kindly old men to give her some air but were too late to save her life.

Victoria Silvers, who had recently moved to the area, was reportedly church-hopping for the last month in search of a new church home. When congregants saw the unfamiliar face looking for a seat, they stampeded toward her like a pack of wildebeests, hands extended, trying to welcome her to the service. 

“Hi! Welcome to Christ Community Church! My name’s Tad!” said a parishioner named Tad.

“We’re so glad you could join us! I’m Marsha!” said another parishioner named Marsha.

The overenthusiastic crowd pressed in and smothered the poor woman before she could escape. 

“I feel just awful,” said Deacon James McElroy. “As soon as I spotted her I encouraged everyone to greet her. I didn’t mean for this to happen! She passed away in a church though. I think that’s good for a free pass to Heaven, right?”

State authorities have condemned the violent tragedy and have called for a ban on church greeters. 


In the social justice system, words are considered violence. In New York City, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious attacks are members of an elite squad known as the Microaggression Victims Unit. These are their stories.


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