MIDDLETON, CO—Last week, Biden proudly announced he had authorized an emergency charter flight carrying 3.7 bottles of much-needed infant formula to the states. After a tense national lottery, Susan Melvin from Middleton, Colorado has been selected as the lucky recipient of the precious 3.7 bottles.

In a televised event, President Biden showed up at Susan’s house to deliver the bottles personally. 

“Conbratulittions Soobin! You’re the winner of the pormula! Formula! Dobbles of Tormula! Bottles of Formula!” said Biden holding a giant certificate and a bunch of balloons. “If it weren’t for me, your baby would die and starve!” 

“But I don’t have any kids,” protested Susan. 

“You tryin’ to tell me how to do my job you lying dog-faced pony soldier?” Biden yelled, according to witnesses. “We spent over 32 million taxpayer dollars to fly these bottles here, and you oughtta show a little appreciation, lady!”

The woman reportedly accepted the giant certificate representing 3.7 bottles of formula and asked the camera crew to get off her lawn.

According to sources in the administration, she will receive her bottles as soon as the IRS has finished calculating the tax she owes on them.

Are you a woman? It’s hard to tell these days. Watch our well-researched video to find out whether you are indeed a woman.

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