https://babylonbee.com/news/congress-unveils-phase-2-movie-release-schedule-for-the-jan-6-universe/

After months of anticipation, Congress has finally unveiled the release schedule for all the upcoming installments in the January 6th universe! With big-name directors and a host of new characters, the ever-expanding reach of January 6th Studios shows no signs of slowing down. Check out the new Phase 2 releases below!

Infinity Hearing: Watch as the J6 Committee moves to lock up half the country by trying every Trump voter for treason! With a run time of five thousand hours, it might as well be eternal.

Guardians Of The Democracy: Prepare to be dazzled by Eric Swalwell’s incredible nunchuck skills! Also, prepare to watch Adam Kinzinger cry. A lot.

Giuliani: The First Insurrectionist: An incredible tale of a scrawny man gaining the ability to fight for freedom while maintaining a blood-alcohol content rivaling Nancy Pelosi. 

The Incredible Hoax: Tension runs high as loser of the presidential election accuses Russia of tampering with the—wait a minute!

Schiff-Chi And The Legend Of Buffalo Guy: The ultimate lizard battles a hero from somewhere in the depths of America’s National Park system. Stunning visuals.

What If…Trump Won?: A horrific, imaginative nightmare of what Trump would be doing to the stock market, inflation, the border crisis, terrorists, international wars, race relations, gender ideology for kids, respect for institutions like the Supreme Court…

Ocasio-Cortez, Wakanda Forever: The story of a woman’s remarkable awakening to her indigenous heritage during a mushroom-fueled bender, audiences will have their hearts crushed when the heroine dies, and then dies again. And maybe again.

Trumpius: A sorrowful tale Trump’s evil vampire twin, the movie is uniquely being slated for release on three different occasions. Something to do with star Jared Leto.

2 Fast 2 Fauci: Anthony Fauci is slated to direct, produce, and star in this epic film about himself, the greatest American hero ever. Movie was reportedly funded at the last minute by a $500 million gift from Pfizer.

Spiderman: No Way Out Of Solitary Confinement Until You Cop A Plea Deal: To be produced by Stephen Colbert’s team, soon as they walk free from their charges of trespassing at the Capitol.

What an action packed lineup! We here at the Bee can’t wait to see what Phase 3 has in store!


To celebrate Pride Month, Mattel has released its first-ever pregnant man doll: Pregnant Ken! You can have all sorts of fun with the clearly MALE Ken doll and his pregnant belly! Available wherever non-gender-specific toys are sold.


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