https://babylonbee.com/news/delivery-guy-hiding-in-the-bushes-till-youre-in-bathroom-to-deliver-signature-required-package/

U.S.—Shocking new research has revealed that delivery persons carrying sensitive packages will oftentimes hide in the bushes outside the delivery address until the intended recipient is in the bathroom, at which point they will jump out of their hiding place, ring the doorbell and courteously wait three seconds before leaving a note that the package could not be delivered.

The phenomenon, known as “package dumping” was long thought to be a coincidence until one researcher dove into the statistics and exposed what experts are calling “next-level package trolling” by the nation’s institutions of package delivery.

“It is a statistical impossibility,” confirmed Dr. Henry Spord, a leading statistician and expert in chaos theory. “The likelihood of millions of people using the toilet just as a delivery man rings the doorbell is so astronomically implausible that it’s more likely you’ll win the lottery while being struck by lightning.”

According to sources, Dr. Spord’s peer-reviewed study would not normally be enough to move the subject beyond the realm of scientific theory but, with the advent of easy home security cameras such as the Ring Doorbell, several delivery men have been caught in the act. Witnesses report that in some cases a delivery driver would wait several hours before attempting delivery, just to make absolutely sure they rang the doorbell at the most inconvenient time.

Delivery companies such as UPS, FedEx, and the United States Post Office could not be reached for comment.


Judges at a school spelling bee are stumped and infuriated when a child dares to ask them for a definition of the word “woman.”


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