https://babylonbee.com/news/ghislaine-maxwell-to-be-killed-early-on-good-behavior/

NEW YORK, NY — Ghislaine Maxwell, former co-conspirator of sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, was sentenced to 20 years in prison for her crimes, but the judge did express it was likely she would be killed early on good behavior.

“Ms. Maxwell, I hereby sentence you to a devastating 20 years for your crimes,” said U.S. District Judge Alison Nathan. “But if you maintain good behavior you’ll be suicided in a week.”

“I can give you more names!” she cried out in an uncharacteristic outburst.

Judge Nathan ordered the bailiff to restrain the prisoner and keep her quiet for disrupting the courtroom. He proceeded to admonish Maxwell for offering to name the celebrities and politicians she had been selling minors to for years.

Witnesses at the hearing claim Maxwell looked “deathly ill” following the exchange and muttered something about being a CIA plant.

She was roughly escorted out of the courtroom by prison guard H. Illroy Climpton.


Judges at a school spelling bee are stumped and infuriated when a child dares to ask them for a definition of the word “woman.”


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