AUSTIN, TX — During a SpaceX shareholder meeting Elon Musk, father of nine children with three different women, quietly admitted he only wanted to go to Mars to get some peace and quiet.
“Dare I dream of land untouched, outside the boundary of the frequency that rattles in my brain?” he said to himself, looking off into the distance. “Yes, it is the stars I seek!”
According to sources, the sound of crying babies dominated Musk’s microphone for the majority of the shareholder Zoom call before the SpaceX CEO broke into the touching soliloquy where he spoke at length about a desire for the quiet stillness of space.
Henry Yibbins of Maryland, who owns one stock in SpaceX, attempted to ask Musk what he was talking about but was cut off by the sound of vomit when one of Musk’s baby twins puked all over the burdened founder of SpaceX.
Witnesses claim the call then fell awkwardly silent for approximately thirty seconds before Musk finally muttered, “I need to get to Mars for some peace and quiet.”
At publishing time, the first SpaceX launch to Mars has been moved up from 2030 to Tuesday. Elon Musk is expected to be the first man to set foot on Martian soil. His first words are expected to be, “Oh man, I can hear myself think!”
Satan held a press conference today responding to the big loss of Roe v. Wade. He’s doing his best to keep his chin up.