CRYSTAL LAKE, MI — After years of relaxing travel, the McWilliams family took the leap and purchased a lake cabin so they can finally spend their entire vacation fixing things.

“We got sick of the carefree vibe you get on vacation, plus all the swimming and hiking,” said a proud Jim McWilliams. “We just closed on the cabin yesterday, and the back door screen broke within five minutes – so our investment is already paying off!”

According to sources, the kids made it ten whole minutes in the lake before Jim’s wife Judy put them to work. “We have a whole week to teach the kids how to sand and paint, starting with the deck,” said Judy as she added ‘paint deck’ to the kids list of ‘lake house chores’ for the day. “Look at this amazing view we get to enjoy while working. These kids have no idea how blessed they are!”

Vacation rental property owners are having a hard time competing with the lure of home repair while on vacation. “We are really limited in the experience we can offer vacationers,” said Bob Lake, CEO of Lake Resort Rentals. “Our cabins are in good shape, they’re clean, and the beds are made when people check in. You might get a burned out light bulb here and there, but there’s just not much to do. It’s not for everyone.”

At press time, Jim McWilliams was at the marina looking to buy a hole in the water he could pour even more money into.

In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.

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