LEBANON, KY — Local Christian radio DJ Jessie Korah, host of “Morning Trumpet” on 97.7FM Coastlands Radio, experiences constant feelings of déjà vu that the songs he’s broadcasting are the exact same ones he did just an hour before.

“That can’t be right,” he said to himself as he played “Way Maker” for the fiftieth time that day. “It’s like I’ve played this before!”

The young DJ has been wrestling with feelings of anxiety and paranoia ever since he began working for the station a month ago. Many of his co-workers have expressed concern that Korah now believes he’s in a simulation and that life isn’t real.

“I play this song — any song, really — and it echoes in my mind. Even the choruses of some of these songs are so repetitive… it’s like the machines don’t know what music is and they have to fill in the gaps with utter nonsense.”

“Sometimes he’ll play a song and panic halfway through. He’ll cut the track and immediately switch to another song that he then becomes absolutely convinced he just played moments earlier,” said Station Manager David Fisch. “Some people just aren’t cut out for the Christian radio game.”

At publishing time, Jessie Korah was replaced with a Microsoft Zune with five songs playing on shuffle.

In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.

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