WASHINGTON, D.C. — AOC is still being held 1 day after her high-profile arrest at the Supreme Court building, as Capitol Police have confirmed that they misplaced the invisible key for her invisible handcuffs.
“Well, this is embarrassing,” said Capitol Police Chief Ingrid Surrection. “We always misplace our invisible key! Whose idea was it to make it invisible, anyway?”
Sources say AOC is still standing in front of the Supreme Court, her hands invisibly bound together as the invisible police car also never showed up to take her to jail. “I remain committed to bravely fighting for the fundamental human right to kill babies,” said the Congresswoman. “I will stay here for as long as it takes, but I hope the police find the key soon. I have to go to the bathroom.”
At publishing time, Capitol Police found the invisible handcuffs back at the station and realized no one had ever actually handcuffed AOC. They are currently taking bets to see how long she’ll stand there until she figures it out.
In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.