WASHINGTON, D.C. — Former Trump advisor Steve Bannon has been found guilty of contempt of Congress, which is one of the evilest crimes one can commit against Congress. While prosecutors expressed relief at the verdict, they also warned that there are still 330 Americans with extreme contempt for Congress who are still roaming around freely.

“At last the monster Steve Bannon who dared to have contempt for the sacred Select Committee will face justice,” said prosecutor Molly Gaston to reporters. “Sadly, he’s not the only danger to our hallowed democracy. I have just received word that there are over 330 million people in this country who have dangerous levels of contempt for Congress. They must be stopped.”

The January 6th Committee has sent subpoenas to every single person in America in order to test their loyalty and make those with contempt easier to find. The DOJ responded by sending letters to FBI field offices across the country with guidance on how to round up these dangerous criminals who despise their elected representatives.

“Mark my words,” said Attorney General Garland. “Those who don’t like us will be hunted down and brought to justice.”

At publishing time, the number of guilty Americans rose to 370 million.

A Babylon Bee subscriber contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.

Subscribe to The Babylon Bee on YouTube

You Might Like
Learn more about RevenueStripe...