WASHINGTON, D.C. — After learning that the president had contracted the Coronavirus, Joe Biden quickly called up Barack Obama to wish him a speedy recovery.
“Hey, man, this is Pedo Peter. How you holdin’ up? I heard on the news you got COVID-19. Come on, man, you should’ve called me!” Biden reportedly told Obama’s personal assistant.
Biden continued speaking while waiting to be transferred to Obama. “I just want you to know that you’re my rock. I love you, man. Sending thoughts and pringles your way. Libbenshneblet. End of note.”
Sources familiar with the matter claim that by the time Obama picked up the phone, Biden had gotten most of his inappropriate racist comments out of the way. The pair had a friendly conversation in which Biden wished his friend good health and asked how the trip to Saudi Arabia went.
Dr. Jill Biden reportedly walked in on the conversation and then playfully shook her head in disbelief. “That’s our Joe!” she laughed to herself.
At publishing time, President Obama sent some more executive orders for Dr. Jill Biden to get her husband to sign.
In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.