https://babylonbee.com/news/toddler-waits-patiently-to-vomit-until-5-minutes-before-parents-date-night/

SHREVEPORT, LA — Plans for a relaxing date night were dashed upon the rocks of parenthood Thursday when Sam and Jen Goldwind witnessed 2-year-old Daenerys vomit just five minutes before leaving. Early reports indicate that the child had patiently waited to vomit until precisely the right moment in a ruse to keep her parents home.

Jen’s mother had arrived shortly before the incident, ready to play with her precious granddaughter, but was dissuaded by the sheer volume of vomit.

“I can handle a little throw up,” Grandma Claire later told officials. “But that little girl had a mischievous look in her eyes. I think she planned the whole thing!”

Grandma Claire reportedly recommended an exorcism.

According to sources, Sam and Jen briefly debated if the amount of vomit was concerning enough to keep them home. Eventually, Sam relented when his wife accused him of caring more about seeing Top Gun: Maverick than their little bundle of joy.

Little Daenerys spent the rest of the evening on her mother’s lap while binge-watching Gilmore Girls, sources confirm.


In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.


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