WACO, TX — After a steady exodus of people fleeing to Texas to escape oppression under Governor Gavin Newsom’s rule, there has been a sudden outcry for a return to the ‘coastal paradise’ amid rising temperatures in the Lone Star State.

“Some ‘Promised Land’ — did we escape just to perish in this heat?” A local reporter interviewed sweating former Californians outside a Bucc-ee’s in the KWKT Fox 44 segment on the crisis.

The “So You Wanna Go Back To Cali?” segment documents the Californian refugees crying out for a return to slavery, with most remembering it fondly: “Would it not have been better for us to have died where at least we had meatless burgers, plenteous vaccines, and some beach access?”

Leaders of the “Texas Exodus” have called for Californians to remember their bondage, with eyewitnesses confirming that Joe Rogan and Elon Musk tore their clothes and reminded exiles of their home state’s brutal taxation, extreme housing prices, rampant crime, and religious persecution, but were met with cries of “Why did you lure us to Texas to kill us with this heat?”

At publishing time, Governor Gavin Newsom of California bragged that he could “tax everyone at 65% and wouldn’t lose any voters.” As of his last recall, he was correct.

In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.

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