U.S. — The nation’s leading scientists unveiled a new periodic table of genders to help everyone keep track of the evolving gender spectrum. Experts are recommending the table be rolled out to schools across the nation and added to each state’s curriculum for grades 9-12.
The gender table features 114 genders in addition to a wild card space that represents the limitless imagination of the human mind.
“One of the biggest struggles with gender identity is that no one knows what you’re talking about,” said Dr. Stephen Andross. “I myself am amicagender, which means my gender identity changes depending on the friends I have. This is distinct from someone who is genderfluid or genderfuzz.”
“It is important that people understand the difference!”
The gender table, much like its elemental counterpart, features an array of symbols and descriptions, but it also includes recommended pronouns for each gender, as well as recommended consequences for misgendering ranging from canceling to doxing and arson.
At publishing time, California legislators voted to require teaching on the periodic table of genders beginning in Preschool.
In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.