Even the staunchest libertarians deserve love. So throw away the pot you only smoke out of principle and take a shower, you son of liberty! You’re going to need to put a little effort into a girl if you ever find one.

Here are some pickup lines to add to your repertoire:

“I don’t believe in big government, but it should be illegal to look that good.” — Classic.

“Are you made of gold? Cause you’re the standard by which women should be measured.” — Awwwww yeah!

“Hello, I am wearing deodorant.” — This will set you apart from the rest of the Libertarian herd.

“When I saw you my heart experienced runaway inflation.” — Romantic!

“Are you the federal reserve? ‘Cause I’d like to audit you.” — Groan.

“Girl, you almost make me want to sign a government document confirming my eternal love for you. Almost.” — The government doesn’t have the right to define or license your love!

“I don’t need a reckless monetary policy to increase my interest rate in you!” — Get it? No? Ok…

“How about you and I go somewhere quieter and listen to my podcast?” — It’s getting serious.

“I must be an artificially inflated dollar, cause I’m falling for you.” — You should never compare your feelings to irresponsible economic policies enough.

“Taxation is theft. Wanna make out?” — Works every single time.

“Please hang out with me. I’m extremely lonely.” — Maybe you should just be honest.

In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.

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