FRANKLIN, TN — Dave Ramsey has been rushed to the hospital while recording his show this week after a caller revealed his family spends over $1,000 on DoorDash food delivery every month.

“You spend HOW MUCH getting Taco Bell delivered to your door?!” Ramsey shouted, his heart racing, after the caller reluctantly admitted his family spends a large amount of their household’s income on DoorDash, UberEats, and other food delivery services. “Are you… are you STUPID?! What the heck is WRONG with you?! I just… I just… I CAN’T. I LITERALLY CANNOT.”

At this point, Ramsey began throwing trinkets such as football helmets, books, and other small objects across the room. His producers pressed the “Ramsey Rant Alert” button, causing an alarm to sound throughout the studio and a calming sleeping gas to be pumped into the set, and they tried to rush in to tranquilize him, but it was too late.

“My arm… my arm is hurting!” Ramsey shouted before falling to the floor unconscious. “HELP! I need a doctor – just make sure we pay in cash!” He was quickly rushed to the hospital and is in stable condition. His doctor says this happens every few weeks and that they expect him to make another full recovery.

The caller who caused Ramsey to have the heart attack says he feels terrible, but also that his family is still ordering Little Caesar’s on the DoorDash app tonight.

In a collaboration with The Babylon Bee, Professor Gorb McStevens lists all the countries where communism hasn’t turned into a totalitarian hellscape where you have to eat your dog.

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