https://babylonbee.com/news/10-ways-to-communicate-without-giving-your-money-to-woke-corporations/

It seems like every telecommunications company in the world has gone WOKE! Not good!

How can you call your spouse or leave a voicemail for your grandma without supporting a woke corporation? Here are 10 surefire methods:

  1. Carrier pigeon: We’re pretty sure the pigeons haven’t gone woke… yet.
  2. Use two cans and a string: Then maybe you can build a vast network of cans and strings! Just don’t get them tangled.
  3. Fire your AR15 into the air in morse code: This is how people in Kentucky have communicated for centuries.
  4. Hollerin’: Also the preferred method in Kentucky, for people too poor to own AR15s.
  5. Rearrange the wooden letter signs in Hobby Lobby to form a message: Then pray fervently that your intended target walks in and reads it before the workers rearrange the display.
  6. American Sign Language: Only visible from far away if you have big, beautiful Trump-sized hands.
  7. Ask a Navajo Indian to put your message in code and deliver it for you: Just make sure he isn’t a fan of CRT.
  8. Beg Elon Musk to purchase your wireless provider: He’ll unwokeify that corporation real quick! Until he changes his mind and backs out.
  9. Play the Telephone Game: Just like journalists at the Washington Post!
  10. Talk to all your friends exclusively on Truth Social: As long as you don’t mind the FBI monitoring everything you say.

Well, there you have it! If none of these methods work, you could always start your own telecommunications company. Easy!


NOT SATIRE: Patriot Mobile, America’s ONLY Christian conservative wireless provider, is the ONLY alternative to woke mobile.

We deliver dependable nationwide wireless service to our members, which allows us to fight for our God-given rights and Christian conservative values. In 2022, we’re donating more than $2 million dollars to organizations that fight for our first amendment rights, second amendment rights, the sanctity of life, and our veterans and first responders.

Make the switch today to receive free activation (code: BABYLONBEE), nationwide dependable coverage, support from our 100% US-based team, and the peace of mind that your money is going to a company that LOVES God and this country. We’re actively working every day to support Christian conservative causes.

Learn more at www.patriotmobile.com/babylonbee or give us a call at 972-PATRIOT.


Michael Simmons’ doctor tells him he’s obese and needs to lose some weight – but the patient has the perfect comeback: he’s pregnant!


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