AUSTIN, TX — Alex Jones has been ordered by a jury to pay $4.1 million to the frog community who sued him for defamation after the media personality and conspiracy theorist repeatedly called them “gay.”
“You people don’t understand! They’ve been putting chemicals in our water that’s changing the biochemistry of the local frogs and turning ’em gay!” said a defiant Alex Jones during closing statements. “It’s a scientifically proven fact! Open your eyes!”
Representatives for one of the plaintiffs, a green American Bullfrog, dismissed the statements as “gross and defamatory.”
“Mr. Hopper is not, nor has he ever been, a homosexual,” said attorney Derpio Dibbins. “He loves women. He has over 32,000 children to prove it. We’re pleased with the jury’s decision, and we hope Mr. Jones has learned his lesson that if he says anything we don’t like on his podcast we will take all his money.”
Mr. Hopper also expressed that he was pleased with the verdict. He will receive a payout of $3 after he pays all his lawyers.
At publishing time, Mr. Hopper was seen by local paparazzi on a lily pad with another male bullfrog.
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