WASHINGTON, D.C. — As D.C. resources begin to buckle under the strain of thousands of migrants being sent to the nation’s capital from Texas, the Biden Administration has taken steps to solve the problem by hiring them all as IRS agents.
“Those migrants are hard workers, folks! Let’s make ’em tax collectors!” said Biden to aides. “Give those people a gun and an IRS badge and put them to work taking money from people! Poor kids can audit just as good as white kids. No joke!”
Experts say Americans have been clamoring for more IRS agents for decades and are looking forward to having their finances examined and confiscated more than ever before.
“If this doesn’t work, I’ll just take everyone’s money by printing it and devaluing the dollar!” said Biden. “That works pretty well too.” Biden then shook hands with a space of empty air to his right he mistook for the IRS Commissioner.
At publishing time, the migrants had already audited the entire country and hand-picked the fall harvest with time to spare.
Michael Simmons’ doctor tells him he’s obese and needs to lose some weight – but the patient has the perfect comeback: he’s pregnant!