U.S. — In a breakthrough discovery, child scientists have revealed that the most critical time of the day for hydration is after they have been tucked in and kissed goodnight.

“While hydration matters throughout the day, our studies indicate that getting out of bed for at least one more drink after mom and dad have kissed us goodnight is absolutely imperative and a non-negotiable,” said Dr. Buster, a 5-year-old and post-bedtime hydration expert. “The data is clear and the science is settled on this matter.”

According to the child scientist’s research, regardless of how much water a child drinks beforehand, once they are tucked in, rapid onset child dehydration occurs. This forces the child to get out of bed and go ask their parents for a drink, and while they are down there they might also maybe see what the parents are up to or whatever, it’s really not that important to them, they’re simply just down there because they are thirsty — not to play or watch more TV.

Many science-denying parents have expressed their skepticism about the results of this recent scientific discovery. “We’ve given the kids dozens of warnings giving them ample opportunity to get a drink before bedtime,” said Betty McKenzie, a local mother of 4. “In fact, they adamantly said they weren’t thirsty at all until the lights were turned out.”

At publishing time, child scientists made yet another breakthrough discovery that the best time to use the bathroom is after rehydrating and being tucked in and kissed goodnight.

The California Dream ain’t what it used to be. Enjoy our song lamenting the fall of the Golden State:

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