https://babylonbee.com/news/9-biggest-revelations-from-the-trump-affidavit/

Today’s affidavit from the Department of Justice that spelled out the reason for raiding Trump’s home at Mar-a-Lago was a doozy.

We’ve gotten a chance to read the whole thing. Here are the 9 biggest revelations from the document:

  1. █ ████ ██ ████ █ ████ ███████.
  2. ███ █ ████ ███!
  3. ███ █████ ██ ██ ████ ██████. But ████ ███ ██████ ████ █████ ███ █████. ███ ██ █ ███████ ██ ██ █████ ██████ ████.
  4. █████ ███ █ ███████ █████ ████ ██████████.
  5. █ ██ █ ██████ ████████. (███) ███-████.
  6. Therefore, ██ ████ ███ ██████ █ ██ ██████ ████ █████ ████████, █████ ███ ██ ███ pumpernickel █████ ██ ███; ████ ████ ████ ██████ █ ██ ██ ██ █████████████████
  7. ███ █████████ ██ ███ ██████ ██████ ██████ ███ ████ █ ████ ███████, according to ████ ███████.
  8. ██████ ██ █ ██████████ █████ █████████ ██ █████ ██ ███████████ ████ ██. █████.
  9. ██ ███ potato ██ ████████ Brian ███████ ██ █ ████.

Well, there you have it. Which is your favorite?


The California Dream ain’t what it used to be. Enjoy our song lamenting the fall of the Golden State:


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