DAYTON, OH — According to sources, local woman Grace Barton committed to reveal her most recent Target receipt to her husband by noon today, but when she submitted the document, almost every word and line item on the receipt was redacted with a thick black bar.
Barton claims the redactions were for “security purposes” and that the purchases were on a “need to know” basis only.
“I’m being as transparent as I can at this time,” she assured her husband as he looked over the receipt, which was almost entirely just black bars save for the Target logo and the cute little Target dog. Barton went on to claim she is the “most transparent wife” in marriage history, despite the redactions, and that she would look into declassifying more items as she is able.
“This should clear things up and reassure you that all these purchases were, in fact, justified,” she added before putting up another Magnolia brand knick-knack near the entryway.
At publishing time, her husband had turned in a redacted Bass Pro Shops receipt after smuggling in a long package that was shaped suspiciously like a fishing rod.
The California Dream ain’t what it used to be. Enjoy our song lamenting the fall of the Golden State: