HOUSTON, TX — Houston pastor Joel Osteen has released an exciting new study Bible where he has carefully gone through and redacted every single word of the text: The Redacted Study Bible.

Osteen is calling the new edition of the Bible “the most transparent study Bible in history” and claims the redactions were made for your safety, comfort, health, and wealth. The pastor has personally gone through the Scriptures and blacked out every verse that made him feel uncomfortable, which is, well, all of them.

For example, Revelation 20:15 in the ESV says, “And if anyone’s name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.” Osteen’s version? “███ ██ ████████ ████ ███ ███ █████ ███████ █████ ████ ██ ████, ██ ███ ██████ ████ ███ ████ ██ ████.” The pastor claims this version “goes down much easier.”

“This Bible is much more encouraging,” Osteen said in a YouTube video promoting the new edition of the Scriptures. “No longer do you have to worry about being confronted with your sin, God’s wrath, or hell. You can finally live victoriously in the abundant life God has promised each one of us!”

At publishing time, sources had confirmed that Osteen had teased an update to The Redacted Study Bible where he’s gone ahead and de-classified the words “favor”, “victory”, “riches”, and “pride.”

Babylon Bee subscriber Jamin D contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!

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