Amazon Studios just ruined Tolkien with The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power but you’d better buckle up, bucko, because it ain’t over yet.
Here are some more intellectual properties they’re getting ready to defile next:
- Peanuts: Charlie Brown (born Charlotte Brown) navigates life as a trans person of color.
- The Lion, The Witch, & The Systematically-Racist Wardrobe: In this new take on the classic story, Peter, Susan, Edmund, and Lucy dismantle the systems of oppression perpetuated by Aslan.
- Bluey CPS: An award-winning spin-off in which Bandit becomes an abusive alcoholic. Sad.
- Harry Potter and the Sex-Changing Potion: Anything goes in House Hufflepuff!
- Scooby-Doo and the Mysterious Case of How Fred Got Monkeypox: Brave and normalizing.
- All Men Must Die Hard: John McClane is back to roll around in shattered glass as penance for his toxic masculinity.
- Rocky Title IX: Rocky Balboa is contractually obligated to knock out a woman.
Wow! Amazing stuff! We can’t wait to see how much money they waste on their next colossal failure.
The California Dream ain’t what it used to be. Enjoy our song lamenting the fall of the Golden State: